Pros and Cons of Pregnancy

So today we will go over the delightful oh so "funny when you are writing about it" and "not so funny when you are feeling it" pros and cons of pregnancy...

Pro- You can eat whatever you want
Con- Your digestive system slows everything down to get the nutrients to the baby. TRANSLATION: you won't be able to poop for 9 months. So eat whatever you want. CAREFULLY.
Pro- Once you actually get a baby bump going, people start helping you at work
Con- That you HAVE to work 40 hours a week when you would rather beat a dead horse with a stick
Pro- Having that sweet little baby tickle your belly
Con- Having that little monster kick the crap out of your ribs!
Pro- Your hair and nails grow at rapid pace for whatever reason all throughout pregnancy
Con- You can't do a damned thing with your hair without getting an earful from "knowledgeable" other beings about what a bad parent you are....and the nail thing is awesome, however I only have so much to be anxious about and I just cannot keep up with biting them off fast enough.
Pro- You get to wear as many comfy pajama-maternity pants as you want. Or at least I do.
Con- You feel as big as a freaking house when your 'maternity' sophisticated pajama pants are getting a little tight around the waist...and butt....oh and did I mention they're short enough to be floods now??
Pro- Sometimes you get random bursts of energy and feel that you are on top of the world and can do anything.
Con- My random bursts usually come when I am really angry and world, WATCH OUT. I pity the fool that crosses me.
Pro- Every single new thing is so special that it makes you want to cry
Con- Every time you share that new thing it is followed with a bunch of smart-asses saying, 'you didn't feel the baby move it's too early!' REALLY??? Because as far as I am concerned my BABY BIBLE BOOK said that i CAN feel it move right now and last time I checked you were pregnant what, 15 years ago?? OR even worse, you've never BEEN pregnant to begin with and you're telling me that I AM the crazy one? Don't let these people ruin your moments. I've obviously already fallen off of that bandwagon, but you can save yourself.
Pro- I love rubbing my big old belly now
Con- Don't rub my big old belly if I don't know you that well. I never thought that would bother me, I thought I could put it out there for the world to rub...but if you are not my friend or family, hands off.
Pro- Feeling like I'm so strong that I can still lift my chunky-monkey one and a half year old niece
Con- Realizing this ain't so fun when she drops her binky and i lean over with her in my left arm to grab it off the floor with my right arm and realize my belly is in the way and i can't bend and OH MY GOSH LILA IS FALLING....don't worry, she didn't fall to the ground...just to my knee.
Pro- You're so tired you cannot wait for night time to go to sleep
Con- Between the every 35 minute pee-breaks, the maneuvering of the pillows to avert back-pain to the "perfect" position after every pee break and the CRAZY ass dreams you have, oh and the terrible back pain because your boobs and stomach and triple their regular size and everything is hanging out in the front, you won't get any sleep. And just when you think it's all over, you have a screaming baby to feed. Just say goodbye to a good night's sleep for the next 18 years. I'm almost to terms with it.
Pro- Baby shoes are the cutest thing EVER
Con- Adult shoes that now fit like baby shoes because for whatever reason your feet grow during pregnancy is not so cute. or comfortable. or fun.
Pro- Washing all of your cute adorable baby clothes for the first time and anticipating taking all of that cute little stuff out of the dryer...
Con- Oh that cute little stuff is so.....much.....smaller....oh my gosh everything has shrunk that I just bought from the store. and the damn dryer already ate 2 different halves of 2 different pairs of socks. (That dryer eating socks thing should be one of the world's greatest mysteries by the way. It just amazes me).
Pro- I have enough nieces and nephews to know what every single one of their cries and whines sound like, and they don't bother me at all so I am hopeful with my child I'll be the same
Con- Oh dear lord if it is a child I don't know and they are shrieking I want to rip my skin off. Now I would like to point out, this does not mean that I am a bad mommy. This means that I have selective hearing and I can handle my nieces and nephews. Please don't find a crying baby and think it's funny to have my listen to it for "practice". I'll kick you if it's not from my family.
Pro- I never thought I could be as honest and sassy and bitchy as I am right now, it's quite elating at times.
Con- Oh dear lord you find out who your true friends are. Mindy, Ruth, and Chris I'm glad you laugh at my inner pregnant bitch and find this stuff funny with me.
Pro- My boobs are HUGE!
Con- So is my BUTT!


Now to abruptly and awkwardly end this, I just got really really really tired. So I'm going to bed. Toodles!